Red Empress: HELL flavoured: taste like valentine

3am and there is no one around, I am left alone to fight my demons, I just wish that the day will keep it's trust, but for now I feel like a car crash, my wheels are turning but I am upside down. I toss and turn but I just cannot sleep, maybe I am just hypnotized and I’m paralyzed by a different beat. I like to think that my whole biological clock is being messed up big time because I was traveling from time zone to time zone, I started at GMT +8, then I moved on to GMT+9, just about I was getting use to it, I had to travel to GMT-5 and by tomorrow I will be in another new time zone again, Central time (GMT-6). I am flying to Denver later today and where finally Mike will be lay to rest in his hometown. I am still tossing and turning and I just can’t ignore the echo of thoughts of what I am going to say at the funeral service. I think I will leave that when I am on the plane to Denver, but for now I am better off drifting into dreamland and thinking about Someone :)

It was really a cold night when I touch the ground at JFK’s. I left at night and after almost 15 hours; I reach New York about midnight just in time to go to bed again. I was so damn exhausted from the flight not because I didn’t sleep; in fact I slept from the start till the end, so much so that I didn’t bother waking up for the meals. But my mind was just sore and tired, thinking about Michael. It was like an emotional rollercoaster ride thinking about the time that we had together and how he was practically the one who given me support and encouragement. He was a superb musician, a great counselor and most of all a friend. He was like a brother that I never had, he was family. I wouldn’t have been doing what I am doing now if it wasn’t his nudge, I would have still be a beach bum back in Kuantan. The last time we spoken was 2 months ago, he sounded so happy. He found someone special and he planned to come visit me and he really wanted me meet his other half. He told me how he misses the midnight surfing at the beach which left us shivering but was easily remedied by the hot Tom Yum Soup by the beach; singing Karaoke at Megamall’s K-box along side with all the other screaming Mat Rockers (I tell you, you don’t usually see an Ang Mor do that at all); having food with the head and face of the food still intact; eating Asian Oyster which was a lame name for SI HAM (Kerang) and eating Durian and washing it down with a bottle of coke (made him puke like hell). He told me that he was ready to do it all over again. But things don’t always turn out the way you wanted it to be. As all these thoughts races across my mind, I felt tight across my chest and I was fighting to breath.

I swear to God, with all the emo shit that is building up in my head, I really couldn’t think straight. With only USD40 in my wallet and the rest was still in Yen, I was trying to find my way to Mike’s church, which was in Manhattan and I do not know what is the fucking distance between it and JFK airport. It could be fucking miles away or just down the block and with just 40 buckaroos I don’t think it can take me very far but I was going to run on faith and get a cab anyway. But thanks to Bunny who knock some sense into me telling me to be safe than sorry. I guess I should withdraw or change some money before taking a cab but before that I called up Mike’s church and thank god there was some one, and they were so kind to send someone over to pick me up. When I reached the church, I didn’t have anywhere to go for the night so they set me up in one of the co-worker’s office; I had the whole couch to myself, it wasn’t very comfortable but it beats being out in the cold. There will be a service for Michael later on today, so I better try to get as much sleep as possible.

Mikey berposing outside a Kbox booth, getting ready to sing our favorite song there, U2’s With or Without You. But instead of singing we ended screaming, cause I didn’t wanna lose to the Malays in the next booth who was screaming Search’s Isabella

NO, I have not seen the DVD and I confess that I am not man enough to take this porn. So this is your chance people, my comment is open for you all to mouth off whatever you like about me being a big fucking wuss for not watching it. Comments who bitch and whine about me will be published but say all you like about me but just leave the bad mouthing off Norie or Kenichi out of it okie? This is my blog and I don’t wanna let other steal the lime light from me. I guess every man has his kryptonite, and I finally found my and it is the porn in the motherfucking DVD or could it be Norie??? Anyway, I am sure that Norie is in but the Kenichi’s part really blew me off guard. Frankly, I really don’t wanna watch it here, not while I am seeing them almost every day, but at the same time the suspense is tearing my ass apart.

Last night, I was out with Norie and things just sorta slipped outta my mouth. I told her that I got the DVD from Kenichi and about Kenichi’s part in the DVD was a shocker to me and I also told her that I just couldn’t bring myself to watch it because I wasn’t ready to find out what is inside it and top of that I just didn’t want it to change the way I see her. She just smiles and said please don’t watch it. But somehow she said this is who she is and I cannot change the fact she did the DVD. And towards the end, she said, what if she watched it with me, would it make a difference?

Now, this offer to watch a movie together isn’t like an actress who is asking you to watch the film she acted in. It may or may not have a hidden meaning. A hundred millions thought races across my head? Should I or shouldn’t I watch it with her? Anyway, is the act of watching porn with another guy’s girlfriend consider cheating? I tell you when you want something which is wrong, you will come out with a million ridiculous theories that will justify your misdoing:

Take this for example:

Let A denotes the difference in Time between Norie and her Boy friend

Let B denotes the time that has lapsed since the act of watching the porn

IF A>B, and Norie sees her Bf and spends time with him, thus canceling off the action of watching the porn before it happened.

IF B>A, she has committed the act of cheating.

A large part of me is tell me this is wrong, what if in the heat of the moment she accidentally slipped and landed on my dick but maybe she is just being supportive and trying to show a part of her, so that I can get to know her and accept her for who she is and jso why don't i just watch the bloody porn and get it off my system?

I haven’t made up my mind yet. The guys are bringing me to Train Café tomorrow for my celebration. Just to let you know, what train Café is about- it is stimulated train ride with a “grope buffet”, I will tell you more when I experience it firsthand. Till then I haven’t make up my mind to watch it with Norie or not …and Oh…About Kenichi, yes, he is one of the “actors” but they didn’t do each other, he was in another 3-way scene :S

Bye bye Daichi Annex Hotel, I am off to another place

It's so strange this beautiful pain
A sweeping blow to the head
Oh amnesia I feel you coming in
I think it's time you begin
Simulate salvation

Just one more before I hit the road; I think I am I having some sort of a withdrawal symptom now. All my friends are like envious because I am getting to go but somehow I wish it wasn’t me who is going. Somehow I just want to have a mundane life. Last night at the party, a friend told me that things seems to be going right for me, but it got me thinking that doesn’t mean it wasn’t always not wrong. Less than 24 hours to go before I head out and the fucking sky just couldn’t stop pissing and it has gotten me all messed up in the head. I have always been a dreamer but now my time is here to take a chance on what I always wanted. So, is this the beginning of the end or another milestone for me? Only time can tell, but no matter what happens there, I know I still have a home and a loving family to come back to and I bet you, there will be someone wiggling her tail and peeping through the window for me.